The Benefits of Sucking Sour Candy

One emergency room visit tells me all I need to know about modern medicine. A few weeks ago I was minding my own business when I caught the flu. Now it was not a serious bout of flu but it did slow me down (i. e, I slept a lot). After the flu had left I still had stuffiness and other symptoms so I made a visit to an Urgent Care facility, although I was not urgent and from their actions neither were they. I finally was seen by the doctor, who said I had no flu or strep throat. I had sinusitis and salivary problems.
The doctor encouraged me to suck on sour candy for treatment. Seeing the bemused expression on my face she gave an explanation. With that and a prescription she sent me on my way. I picked up my prescription and went home, swallowed my pill of modern medicine and went to bed. Two hours later I woke up and went to the bathroom as I was washing my hands to my dismay I discovered my face had grown by a multiple of two. I was having an allergic reaction to the medicine. I called Urgent Care and asked calmly what have you done to me? And what should I do? After an hour I finally talked to a doctor who said go to the emergency room, which is what I did.
The doctor had told me once I got there to tell them I was having an allergic reaction and they would immediately see me. I used my most panicked voice at the ER desk and indeed they immediately took me to the back. Three minutes later I am plugged up and they are doing vitals. They repeatedly ask are you having trouble breathing, which made me want to say should I be.
 
After a long wait for a word from the doctor he came in and said I am waiting for the EENT doctor to return my call and then we will move you into a room. I ask am I staying overnight. He said yes.
 
 
Now I at last knew we were waiting for the EENT doctor. This doctor would be the final arbitrator of what my diagnosis would be and what the treatment they would use. I guess up to now the doctor had been guessing. I told the one whose name can now be mentioned that she could go home I would call once I was in my room. She left as if the place was on fire.
It was quick. I saw the pleasant looking woman coming toward me. I thought she looks nice. She was the EENT doctor. She said I am Doctor Hand and before I could make a joke about an EENT doctor named hand she said open your mouth. She grabbed my cheek and looked inside with her light. She said you are experiencing a little swelling. I laughed a lot. She nodded as if to tell me I will determine that. She looked at the chart to see what treatment the guessing doctor had done. ‘You need to suck sour candy’, she declared. I have not heard that before. These doctors must be invested in lemon drop sours. And the way they said it was why were you not sucking sour candy all your life. I felt like such a failure.    
She grabbed my mouth again and showed me mercilessly how to massage my cheek. So violent and harsh was she I examined her closely to make sure she was not my ex-wife in disguise. She peered inside my mouth while she squeezed the insides of my jaws. She said ecstatically, ‘Oh yes puffs of infection are coming out.’ She was so proud of herself. She looked at me again and said ‘you need to suck sour candy and massage your face like I just did. Do you want me to demonstrate how again?’ ‘No!’ I said in total panic.
No longer was I staying overnight; she had diagnosed the problem and I was found lacking. We can get you out of here in another thirty minutes. Now I was without my ride so I called the one whose name we can say now. She was exasperated because she thought she was through with me for the night yet did agreed to come and pick me up. From the hospital we went to pick up my oldest daughter fresh from college. She did not notice my face until I told her it was swollen. She said oh yeah and continued to tell us about her life at college. When I told of my ER room experience the one whose name we can say now said yea that is enough about you, let Maya tell us about what is going on in her life. With this I knew I was on my own. My drama was to be over and I was to move on.
I told my daughters that the wattle that now hung from my neck was the same as a turkey’s and was used to attract females. I wattled it at them to their disgust and said women will not know what hit them once they get a load of this wattle.
The next day they left me, the wattler, at home while they spent money and forgot about wattles. Recovery was slow.  Left alone I read the reams of paperwork they gave me. They had yet another suggestion to improve my condition. Shoot a saline solution through one nostril and let it come out the other.  I did as I was told, sucked on sour candy, massaged my face without mercy, put saline solutions through my nostrils and yea there were two medications. This is why medical costs continue to go up I guess.
The moral of the story is we have a few meds but we have lots of home remedies. This must be what medical school teaches these days.