I sit. I sit every morning I can make it out of bed. I sit on the beach to watch the sunrise. It is what I do. It is the grand event of my day. This one event takes all my energy. But I do it well. I sit in oneness with the breaking waves. I have time and time again crashed with the force of the sea onto this planet we call Earth. But after each crash I return to the depths of the sea to re-gather and start again. This sitting is my sustenance. That is why I sit as an immoveable object of solid quiet.
I am older now. The mind is not as active. The crashing has eroded much of the youth I once was. I had dreams but they are no longer possible or they were achieved. I often do not recognize myself anymore. But there is still a me I can find in the corners of my mind. Inside my mind’s eye I stand tall as the white sand dune that will never erode away. I sit.
At this time of my life, I need the breaking of the new dawn and not the setting of the sun. There is always darkness after the last explosion of color at the sunset. Some say that darkness reveals who you are best. But I say darkness is the place of betrayal. The Betrayals that I have committed to myself and against others lay in a murky corner. Darkness brings the betrayals that lovers, friend, and family have committed against me. In the darkness you only see the shadows of yourself and others. But the dawn brings light to all the things that were covered during the night. The dawn reveals life as it really was and had been. So I sit before the dawn waiting for the revelation of the day.
Some say they want to die in their sleep. They want death to catch them unawares. But I want to be awake so that I am aware of death’s coming. This was the key to life to know that your death is coming. So you live with your eyes wide open.
The sun is just beneath the horizon. It was letting its presence be known with the array of colors it cast upon the sky. When it finally comes up it blinds me. I cannot look at it too long. It hurts my eyes. The truth of life is here in this moment and I cannot look squarely into it. That is why I sit here under this beach umbrella. This is me. I sit. I shall not be moved.
I hear from a distance, voices breaking into my consciousness crashing all my illusions. I look around and it is my wife and children asking me to stand and start again this day. They want breakfast. They are chatting up a storm. We are on vacation. I must have been daydreaming. I look at my watch it is five minutes from the last time I looked. I smile I do not sit. I am constantly on the move. Maybe one day in the distant future I will sit but not now.